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Krista

of

Effing Dykes

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Hiya lezzers!

I Have had gotten marshmallows and gluten-free graham crackers, so…

WHO WANTS TO HEAR A SCARY TALE??

MWAH





HA HAHAHAHA!

Get the buddy. Every person got your friend? Great. Hold on fast to your pal’s hand.

‘Cause this can be a real story.

Ahem.

A Long Time Ago, whenever I was actually thus newly homosexual I Did Not even comprehend I Became freshly gay…

An older lesbian within now-defunct queer club known as


Za’s


in Green Bay, Wisconsin

(I was entirely simply truth be told there to dancing)


provided me with some information:

1)


Never start a mutual checking account together with your enthusiast



2)


Never fake sexual climaxes



3)


Verify a lady’s fingernails are clean.

The sensible lesbian was at the woman later part of the 40’s, an age group to date away from my 19-years-old-with-a-fake-ID home that I couldn’t actually imagine just what it need to be like to be so old.

How unfortunate, I Was Thinking. Here she actually is at a bar and she is old. I hope I don’t finish lonely like their.

Is not it enjoyable are the biggest market of your universe?

What just a little shit I happened to be.

For reasons uknown, though, we was presented with from

Za’s


that night saying her three policies to myself personally.

While I woke upwards, I imagined of those.

It had been a lot like into the gold seat, when Polly and Eustace Scrubb are charged by Aslan to consider The symptoms.


You should not behave like that you don’t re-read your own Narnia boxed-set at least one time a year.

Anyway! over the years, i usually remembered the 3 existence instructions the lesbian had instructed me. Her advice produced good sense.

I never exposed a joint checking account with anyone.

I never faked orgasms once again following the first few times I did it, realizing I became, in reality, dooming me to a perpetual cycle of shitty intercourse by satisfying poor performance with my cries of “ecstasy.”

And that I constantly secretly checked a woman’s nails before I slept together with her.

Brief? Check.

No rough borders? Check.

Thoroughly clean? It Really Is go time.

But the reason why, nymphos?


What’s the big issue about nails?


What’s with the short-nailed lesbian laughs? Just What?

I am talking about, alright, I have it. Its more challenging to fuck with extended nails. You can maybe puncture a lung or something.

But it is perhaps not impossible. I had very long nails before for burlesque programs; screwin’ with ‘em ain’t all that hard — you only make sure to make use of the pads of your hands.

So why ended up being that lesbian so emphatic about thoroughly clean nails?

All of you, she ended up being



SO. EMPHATIC.

I made a decision to complete some debunking.

Certainly nothing could truly occur if you got screwed by some body with dirty nails.

And then I recalled an account therefore awful I’d nearly overlooked it.

Homos.

Terrible crap can occur.

This terror tale relates to all of us thanks to my good-looking pal ”


Cai



,” who has observed a lot more cunt in heating than a kitty clinic on complimentary Spay time.

Okay.

Cai


was at Miami when she met a rather hot femme we will call


Katie.

Katie


smelled like sugar snacks baking, dressed in a leopard-print swimsuit, had massive silver hoops that shimmered within the light, as well as possessed one of several finest asses


Cai


had ever before viewed.

She secretly texted me an image of

Katie

from the pool so she could boast, and that I texted straight back,


“I would personally hit that till my hand dropped off.”

Thus, yes,


Katie.

Cai


took


Katie


home that evening. There had been some major drinking.

While getting undressed


Katie


when you look at the half-light,


Cai


noticed one thing she had not really observed before:



Katie had cool fingernails.

Indeed,




Katie




had a long, rhinestone-tipped French manicure. Juuuust like Rihanna.

Cai


cannot prevent the psychological image of the fingernails clawing down her straight back while she fucked


Katie


, so animalistic gender commenced.

Cai


actually allow

Katie


bang the lady, while she ordinarily never ever allows anybody do that. Exactly what the hell, she thought. Going home tomorrow. Never see this lady once more. I will get topped for a night.

Why don’t we fast-forward 2-3 weeks, shall we?

One thing was wrong with


Cai’s


“area.”

Severely, seriously completely wrong. It itched. It burnt.

Some, um, greenish-yellowish things was actually oozing from it. So when we say some What i’m saying is extreme. amounts. of. pus.

Cai


refused to go directly to the lady-doctor.

Because becoming supportive is really what relationship is about, whenever she told me, we stated,


“which means you ultimately got the clap. Whorebag.”

Cai


laughed nervously. She went house, googled “the clap” and turned into believing that she did, indeed have actually gonorrhea. She decided to go, the very first time previously


(she was 28),


to the queer-friendly area gyno center.

continue

They did not know very well what had been completely wrong along with her.

They tested her for gonorrhea. They tried for syphilis, herpes, HPV, chlamydia, the really works. Nothing.

Cai


was in some discomfort. She required solutions. She were placing the


‘pus’


in


“pussy”


for almost a month today.

So they really provided her an ultrasound.

AND WOULD YOU YOU KNOW WHAT THEY FOUND.

Genital rips. All over the inside her vag.

A significant load of rips.

Cai


had been ripped to shreds. The woman insides were dangling in ribbons. Appeared as if crepe-paper birthday ornaments within.

And every little thing – every final inches – was contaminated.

It would appear that after Katie used her fantastic very long fingernails supply

Cai


an energetic drunk-fuck, no body knew that the woman nails happened to be additionally a festering breeding floor for



bacterial vaginosis

.

Superb.

Cai


states being a stone-cold leading since.

My closest friend wikipedia states you can aquire terrible infections from dirty nails. Seemingly, there are sometimes staphylococcus germs hangin’ out, which could cause something from skin boils to motherfucking meningitis.

And you know what more?

Pinworm eggs.

S’all I’m gonna state.

That sensible lesbian had been spot-on with her life lessons.

Never open up a mutual checking account with your enthusiast.

Never artificial sexual climaxes.

And holy mommy of goodness, have a look at a fresh secret’s nails before banging.

Or perhaps you are destined to endure the fate of Cai.

THE CONCLUSION

I Must ask yourself, however…

Have of y’all actually become such a thing horrible from another women’s hands?

Or observed a person who did?

Or perhaps is this mainly



(‘cept for Cai)



a lesbian urban misconception?

My fingers are inching towards travel-sized Purell package.

I need answers.